Trust Me: A Communication Skills Tip

Recently someone I love brought to my attention that you can actually look at trust as a burden. If someone trusts you, they rely on you. If they rely on you, they need you. If they need you, you become responsible for them. In my opinion, this is an extremist view of what all of us long for at least once in our life--to trust and feel trusted by someone deeply. As a communication coach, it is part of my job to develop rapport with my clients. And much of that has to do with how much trust I can instill in each individual. How do I do it? I start by listening. I listen without interrupting. Then when I speak, I repeat back what I've heard while weaving in my response. I always make sure I read their body language too. Is it open or closed? Are they leaning in or away from me? Is their face relaxed or tense? All of these things are physical cues as to whether or not trust is beginning to form. With trust being at a low between employees and senior leaders, it is more important to look closely at this little thing called rapport. And while beginning to examine how trust is formed and how to maintain trust, remember that people can smell insincerity from miles away. Aim for genuine communication that uses language, gives examples and tells stories that reveal something about yourself as well. This will surely start the flow of trust and keep others engaged. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Our Interpersonal Needs: A Communication Tip

There are a lot of ways in which we can fulfill our potential in this life. We can create a profession that taps into our deepest desires. We can build a family that requires us to live up to our dreams. We can volunteer our time to help humanity. We can also interact with with others in an authentic and meaningful way through our communication. I have found that the self reflection I have done over the years through various art forms has increased my awareness and capacity to deepen my interpersonal interactions. By knowing myself, it makes it much easier for me to see others. I remember when I was in my early twenties I was living in Northern California where I studied massage, nutrition, Native American Indian ways and art therapy. I attended a mandala workshop and really enjoyed the expressive process. In art form, the mandala is circular. Our task was to draw how we saw ourselves in the past, how we see ourselves now and how we'd like to see ourselves in the future. The idea behind the mandala is that it is a microcosm of the macrocosm. I interpret them as having no beginning or end. Rather, they are representative of the universe and the integration of all that exists both in the mind of the artist and in the celestial world. The colors, shapes and textures put on the page are representative of the psyche and there is no right or wrong. After drawing, we had to talk about what the mandala signified to us. This simple exercise followed by a communication of our experience was one way that I learned to respect my expression and those around me. We all have needs. And our interpersonal communication teaches us a lot about our personality: Do we like to lead or follow? Are we disciplined or more carefree? Do we identify with others and do we recognize our patterns of identification? And finally, are we compassionate and able to build meaningful relationships. According to Tom Borchers four functions of interpersonal communication, all these questions help us meet our interpersonal needs resulting in greater satisfaction in our daily lives. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Identifying Ourselves Through Our Relationships: A Communication Skills Tip

As a journal writer, I have learned a lot about myself over the years. I've explored everything from romance, to nature, career, culture, family and friends. One thing that all these things have in common is they are about relationships and how I identify myself within these many environments. I've often wondered if personality is something that belongs to our spirit more than our physical body and mind (see Michael Newton's Journey of Souls.) I am sure, however, that our identity is formed through our family, schooling, friends and all of our experiences. It turns out that we use our interpersonal comunication to not only further identify who we are but also to help us understand who others are. When I look in the mirror and see myself, it can be easy to define myself precisely as I desire. But, when I look into another person's eyes, the hiding is much harder to do. I do like to face life head on. I do prefer to say-it-like-it-is, and I find that my expectations of others are simple: live up to your full and true potential and communicate in honest and fair ways with those around you. It's not always easy to do, but we get so caught up in our ego that we can create feelings of emptiness and lonliness that are not necessary. That is why I strive to communicate well with the people I love. I may not be a saint, but sometimes I sure do feel heaven sent. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

International Communication: A Communication Skills Tip

I am in an international relationship and I know first-hand how culture influences communication. Being that I only have survival Portuguese skills and my fiancé’s fluent English has limited vocabulary, we communicate on a multitude of levels. First, there are gestures. Add to that, the sound effects. Add to that, half sentences with dynamic pitch. And finally, add fine-tuned listening skills. Sometimes, it even takes trusting the sense of what is being said. Because, one thing is for sure, I don't always understand his English. But I do understand him and I do find we have a very rich communication. Revisiting Tim Borchers functions of interpersonal communication from last week and remembering that "building a context of understanding" is one reason we look to integrate our ideas with others, you can understand how challenging it is to exchange ideas in another language. In the beginning of my training and development career, I was teaching ESL. I have seen thousands of international speakers of English go through a variety of emotions and challenges to get their ideas out. I found that the theatre techniques I brought to the classroom were most helpful in reducing fear and bringing people's true personalities out. Ph.D. Terrence A. Doyle says that "by understanding some of the systemic differences in the communication processes, structures and interaction patterns of a culture, we can acquire greater competency to deal with differences." As an ESL teacher, I witnessed the merging of cultures and the slow development of intercultural relationships. It made me much more respectful of the differences we have as people of varying nations. My desire to travel grew and my exploration of the world is one of my strongest passions. My experiences have shown me that in order to be successful in today's multi-cultural workforce (and to be successful in your communication in general), there are key elements we can keep in mind. I offer three tips for your intercultural communication. First there is enthusiasm. Keep your delivery lively and energetic when you are involved in a communiqué to build rapport and get the other parties engaged. Second, we have creativity. Talk about things that interest you and that you know interest others. And spice up your communication by looking for alternative ways to say the same-old-thing. And finally, repetition. Repeat what others are saying to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Not only will you be better off down the road, but it will show others that you are paying attention. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Interpersonal Communication: A Communication Skills Tip

I think it is easy to take our peers, friends, family and loved ones for granted. It takes so much conscious effort to stay respectful of each others' perspectives. And yet I have found that when I make the time to take people's opinions into consideration, it pays off. We believe that our thoughts are personal, but they are founded on the ideas of others that are spread over time through education, business, art and culture (not to mention religion, family, friends and so on.) What we think is personal is really "inter" personal. When we take our individual outlooks and acknowledge that they belong to a bigger web, it becomes easier to listen to and integrate with others. Interpersonal communication takes into account our environment, our non-verbal messages, sounds as well as words, and the moods, minds and intentions of those involved in the communication. We interact with people daily. Let's look at why we communicate. Isn't it to fulfill our desire to be known? And isn't it also because we want to feel a part of something bigger than 0urselves? It's easy to forget that the groups of people we spend our time with are actually our communities. And, funnily enough the words communicate and community come from the same latin root communus or common. What we share, we have in common. What we have in common, creates our community. Tim Borchers, a professor at Minnesota State University Moorhead, says there are four functions of interpersonal communication: 1. To gain information; 2. To build a context of understanding; 3. To establish identity; and 4. To meet interpersonal needs. Gaining information has a great purpose. By learning about the people we interact with, we develop trust which leads to deeper communication. In the workplace, we all know that working as a team is essential to getting the job done well. Our success is fundamentally based on how well we communicate with each other. This takes me back to the beginning of this week's blog entry: "I think it is easy to take our peers, friends, family and loved ones for granted. It takes so much conscious effort to stay respectful of each others' perspectives." With the beginning of 2010 upon us, let's add to our list of resolutions to gain as much information about the people we communicate with in order to develop respect; let's disclose more about ourselves so that the people we interact with begin to trust us more; and let's look at our interpersonal communication as an opportunity to build communities we look forward to living in. Stay tuned for more on building a context of understanding and insights into international communication in next week's blog post. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Generosity: Communication Skills Tip

When actors share the stage, it is essential for them to be empathetic to their fellow performers. Learning to listen is an act of generosity. A good actor fine-tunes his perceptors and his energy field literally expands in order to include others. A good actress brings her expression to another level when she openly looks to give herself to the moment, to her fellow actors and to the script. It is impossible to work successfully with others on a stage without being generous. Consider this for yourself as you walk the stage of life. Listen with your eyes and physical body as well as your ears. Open your minds as well as your arms. These small acts will add to your communication and enhance your interpersonal relationships.To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

How far can you see? A Communication Skills Tip

I am an optimist. I know how to turn a negative situation into one where everyone benefits by simply believing that there is an alternate solution that is positive. I find myself naturally prompting friends, family and clients towards my way of thinking. When the beginning of 2009 began to show its true colors economically, I made some radical changes to my business. But, I made sure to begin the transition process with something called a vision board--A collage, or, in some ways, a treasure map, of your goals and aspirations. Some of you have probably heard of the book The Secret. Long before this book was released I was off in Northern California and Southern Oregon and along with nutrition and therapeutic healing, I was exploring the power of positive intention and visioning. While living at a school called Heartwood Institute, I worked closely with an Indian Chief named Rutherford Loneman. Many Native American Indian tribes have a special ritual call The Vision Quest. I developed an appreciation and respect for the soul's journey and its ability to guide us closer to our passions and purpose. I also studied something called lucid dreaming. This powerful tool can help us form and create what we want in our lives. All of this education informed me that when we go through change, it is important to respect the place of unknowing (see William Bridges book, Transitions) and tap into the creative sides of our brain in order to see and create our objectives. Now that 2009 is drawing to a close, I look at the vision board I created in the beginning of the year and see how what I want for my business has already begun to transpire. It brings me satisfaction knowing that I am playing an active role in reaching my dreams. I hope those of you reading today will think about how you can position yourself for an optimistic view in 2010. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.