The Little Gestures: Communicating With Your Voice

Have you seen the United Way poster ads lately? "Live United." Or how about the Liberty Mutual television ads running? "Responsibility...what's your policy?" I don't know if I am just delighted that spring is around the corner, but the sentiment of these ads are hitting a chord with me. We know we can all try harder to connect. We know we have the capacity to give more, listen more, lend a helping hand. These are the small things that have always attracted me to working with people. Maybe I could make a difference and in turn help others make a difference. You remember that Faberge shampoo ad, "and so on and so on and so on." What is your passion? How can you help build a bridge between two people where maybe there was little hope. I know that the way we speak to one another has a large influence on how connected we can feel. Let your tone of voice communicate the attitude you believe will help move things forward. It's the little gestures we make that make a world of difference. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Communication as a Craft

I saw Julie and Julia over the weekend--you know the movie with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. Amy Adams plays Julie Powell and author of both the book Julie and Julia and the blog The Julie/Julia Project. Julie Powell takes to Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking one day at a time for 354 days, 524 recipes and a sense of purpose. It got me thinking about how, in a movie, blogging seems so simple. The reality is that it is a commitment. But both commitment and purpose are two very important aspects of the work we set out to do in our lives. My work, being a communication skills coach, seems so precarious at times--at the will of those who may or may not fancy training and development, but also something that can be put off as long as possible because other, more important, projects arise. I've always put communication first. Certainly there are times that I may not say precisely what I want or I may speak in a tone that I later wish I hadn't used. But, I do believe that understanding the importance of articulating what we want, need and feel is at the heart of all good communication coaching. I've been thinking lately about communication as an art. As I was pursuing acting and singing growing up, there was some skepticism at times from my family about when I would take my life more seriously. It's funny, but I could not have been any more earnest than the years I was living in Los Angeles pursuing my acting. I was always attracted to the arts because they gave me an outlet to express myself. So, when I finally got more serious about my life, and started to pursue a career as a trainer, I realized that it is the communication aspect of the arts that I was always drawn to. As I move forward in my career, I'd like to continue to deepen my understanding of communication as a craft. By inspecting our failed communications, we can learn how we can better formulate our opinions, suggestions and ideas. I know that this takes commitment and a sense of purpose. I hope to hear your input on the subject. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Black Gold: The Art of Communication

I have been writing poetry since the fifth grade when Karen Klein and I became blood sisters. (We each poked our finger with a sterilized needle to exchange blood to then blot a red stain onto a cigarette butt to swear our sisterhood.) They were corny poems with light rhyming with right and seem rhyming with dream. But in high school, I took writing classes seriously and particularly enjoyed creative and poetry writing. I studied writing in college and although I am not a disciplined writer now, I do like to fancy myself a writer of sorts. In times of trouble, I have always seemed to turn to my poetry to help express myself. At times, it was the only way I knew how to communicate. Above and beyond my speaking skills, it is my creative writing that gets to the heart of how I see the world. This week, I'd like to share a closer piece of myself with you through a recently written poem:

Black Gold by Jill Diamond

The little dusting of the trees on the mountaintop makes me feel a fool for wanting life to move so fast.

When the clouds touch my soul my spirit like the breeze does fly to perch upon the highest branch to watch this wondrous world.

Without the words to sing a song, my voice is mute in reverence.

For what I thought was mine, is not.
And the stars I follow hold secrets they can never tell.

If I hold on too tight I may never feel free
and if I wander too far, I may miss this mystery.

To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Culture Clash: A Communication Tip

One barrier to building rapport is clearly culture. Recently, I have been working between Rio de Janeiro and New York City and I had an interesting experience that spoke just to this point. In looking for an apartment to rent, I was lucky enough to meet a friend of a friend who was looking to sublet her place. We had spent the day together socializing prior to us making the connection that I could be the one she rent her apartment to. Everything was groovy. We were talking about the furniture she'd leave behind, the rules of the building and naturally the price per month. Everything was perfect until the next day when I received an email from her explaining that there would be a $400 per month increase to the originally stated fee. "Hmmm...What was this for," I wondered. And being American (see suggested communication tips), I asked. And from there, a cultural misunderstanding began to split our rapport in two leaving us little room for mending. I came to learn that in Brazil and more specifically in Rio, it is better not to ask direct questions. Even if I didn't understand why there was an increase in price from our original conversation, I was to either take it with a smile or find a way to quietly walk away. What is in question for me today is when there is a culture clash such as the one in this story, does the culture you are in get the steering wheel? Or, is it important for both parties to feel understood and respected? From my perspective, I aim for the latter. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Emotional Appeal: A Communication Tip

In one way or another, we all want to feel good. We strive for that high-on-life feeling and when we hit it, nothing gets in our way. Have you ever felt immediate chemistry with a friend, teacher, lover or random stranger? There's an emotional connection. There's actual familiarity and rapport. When we don't have that instant connection, however, we have to look for ways to create it. Perhaps we both come from a family of eight; we both speak more than four languages; or we are both working mothers. These kinds of emotional appeals help us build empathy for one another. Our conversations and overall communication become rich. The meaning is much deeper than the message itself because we are relating on more than one level. Look for the underlying feelings that the people around you may have by asking good open-ended questions. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Trust Me: A Communication Skills Tip

Recently someone I love brought to my attention that you can actually look at trust as a burden. If someone trusts you, they rely on you. If they rely on you, they need you. If they need you, you become responsible for them. In my opinion, this is an extremist view of what all of us long for at least once in our life--to trust and feel trusted by someone deeply. As a communication coach, it is part of my job to develop rapport with my clients. And much of that has to do with how much trust I can instill in each individual. How do I do it? I start by listening. I listen without interrupting. Then when I speak, I repeat back what I've heard while weaving in my response. I always make sure I read their body language too. Is it open or closed? Are they leaning in or away from me? Is their face relaxed or tense? All of these things are physical cues as to whether or not trust is beginning to form. With trust being at a low between employees and senior leaders, it is more important to look closely at this little thing called rapport. And while beginning to examine how trust is formed and how to maintain trust, remember that people can smell insincerity from miles away. Aim for genuine communication that uses language, gives examples and tells stories that reveal something about yourself as well. This will surely start the flow of trust and keep others engaged. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Our Interpersonal Needs: A Communication Tip

There are a lot of ways in which we can fulfill our potential in this life. We can create a profession that taps into our deepest desires. We can build a family that requires us to live up to our dreams. We can volunteer our time to help humanity. We can also interact with with others in an authentic and meaningful way through our communication. I have found that the self reflection I have done over the years through various art forms has increased my awareness and capacity to deepen my interpersonal interactions. By knowing myself, it makes it much easier for me to see others. I remember when I was in my early twenties I was living in Northern California where I studied massage, nutrition, Native American Indian ways and art therapy. I attended a mandala workshop and really enjoyed the expressive process. In art form, the mandala is circular. Our task was to draw how we saw ourselves in the past, how we see ourselves now and how we'd like to see ourselves in the future. The idea behind the mandala is that it is a microcosm of the macrocosm. I interpret them as having no beginning or end. Rather, they are representative of the universe and the integration of all that exists both in the mind of the artist and in the celestial world. The colors, shapes and textures put on the page are representative of the psyche and there is no right or wrong. After drawing, we had to talk about what the mandala signified to us. This simple exercise followed by a communication of our experience was one way that I learned to respect my expression and those around me. We all have needs. And our interpersonal communication teaches us a lot about our personality: Do we like to lead or follow? Are we disciplined or more carefree? Do we identify with others and do we recognize our patterns of identification? And finally, are we compassionate and able to build meaningful relationships. According to Tom Borchers four functions of interpersonal communication, all these questions help us meet our interpersonal needs resulting in greater satisfaction in our daily lives. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.